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To Wean or Not to Wean
I love breastfeeding my gorgeous wee boy, Marc, now 20 months young. But he currently breastfeeds as much as he did as a newborn and has never been keen on eating solids unless they’re sweet. I am quite exhausted as he needs little sleep and he breaks that sleep up with feeds in the night. I’m considering whether to encourage weaning. I feel that breastfeeding is very much a two-way relationship. Therefore both mothers and babies have an influence on weaning, whether consciously or unconsciously. It is inextricably linked with parenting style, sleeping arrangements, support from other people in caring for your child, work arrangements and how busy Mum and baby are doing other activities. I will outline my thoughts on the advantages and disadvantages of encouraging Marc to wean at this time in our lives, (I define weaning as reduced breastfeeding). I will also address how to go about planned weaning and unlock some of the mysteries of weaning. First of all I will relate my previous experience with weaning. Marc’s sibling, Sara, was breastfed for 15 months and her weaning was a cold turkey affair. The more I tried to cut out feeds the more Sara, a wilful and sparkly toddler, increased the demand so that she was being fed every two hours at 15 months. It was much easier to be all or nothing than give her the confusing message of, “You can breastfeed sometimes but not other times.” In hindsight, with milk still in my breasts a year later (but no mastitis luckily), I realise she was too young to reason with and still got a lot of benefit from breastfeeding and it is quite typical for that age group to be very attached to breastfeeding. Who knows if she might have avoided her year-long glue ear and subsequent grommet operation if I had continued breastfeeding her? Certainly it would have been preferable to perceive weaning as a celebration of independence rather than taking away something. Nevertheless she still got quite a good breastfeeding deal in relation to the societal norm of up to 12 months. There are several reasons for considering Mum-led weaning. The first advantage of weaning that comes to mind is the possibility of getting a full night of sleep. The commitment to feed Marc to sleep every night is huge and this is apparently the cause of his need for more feeding when he wakes in the night, (Leach1, Plunket2). A full night’s sleep would be advantageous for the whole family but particularly for myself. As well, not being needed to breastfeed him to sleep would mean a chance to go out more (dates as a couple would be nice) and no hysterics for the babysitter to deal with (as Marc’s bedtime is late). With the possibility of a full night’s sleep, the reduced breastfeeding hormones and the reduced demand on my body’s energy I may emerge from zombie land. Maybe I could keep up with other women who gave up breastfeeding on demand long ago and contribute to more committees. I could be more coherent and organised. Sara and Marc would probably appreciate a less tired Mum. Another advantage would be not having to deal with the public’s perceptions of breastfeeding as unnecessary and a bit strange with a toddler of 20 months. Close friends and family also convey those perceptions but he isn’t old enough yet to handle waiting till a more convenient time. Some women loose weight while breastfeeding but I’m in the other category of mothers who gradually increase weight. The regular breastfeeding, day and night, creates a huge appetite, which I don’t fight. Couple that with a minimum of four hours a day sitting in a comfy chair or lying down to feed and the hormonal state that makes it natural to feel relaxed and is conducive to weight retention. It would be great to halt the weight gain by weaning. (It happened when I weaned my daughter.) On the topic of food; Marc is, unlike me, quite happy to go without it a lot of the time. Maybe with a reduction in breastfeeds he will be hungry enough to eat a variety of food. The final reason to consider weaning is if breastfeeding is the only positive interaction I have with my child, (Montgomery3). This doesn’t really apply to Marc and I but it does make me wonder if some of our precious time spent breastfeeding could be better spent playing games, reading stories and discovering the outdoors. On the other hand there are still all the advantages of breast milk for Marc. The goodness doesn’t just stop at six months or 12 months. Antibodies, reduced chance of glue ear, easily digested iron, prevention of dehydration (sometimes it’s the only food a toddler will have when sick), optimal brain development are just some of the benefits. It is the perfect food for a toddler. And that’s not counting the comforting factor. It is brilliant to be able to so easily calm him with a simple breastfeed when he is upset or make him feel better when he’s hurt. It is just so amazingly effective yet simple. |
I also feel good when breastfeeding. The calmness that envelops me in the midst of an otherwise stressful day is fantastic. It may not always be when I’d choose to have a break but it is a way of having compulsory time out. If I weaned Marc those breastfeeding times would need to be replaced with other attention so I wouldn’t be gaining more time for myself by weaning. There is the question of how to get Marc to sleep without protest if I’m not breastfeeding him to sleep and, if he wakes, how to get him back to sleep in a way that is as effective as breastfeeding. I’m not interested in a crying programme. I have already tried in vain to lie beside him and not feed him to sleep and he has loudly proclaimed his need to breastfeed. I could try to substitute breastfeeding with a bottle of water, dummy and a cuddly but to me that’s offering my son second best. A big bonus of breastfeeding night and day is the absence of periods. It is so wonderful. No painful week out of every month. No PMT. No heavy bleeding that depletes iron. No fortune spent on sanitary gear. Another reason for continuing to breastfeed Marc, is the wonderful support from La Leche League – from the Leader, other Mums and the literature available from our local La Leche League library (refer below). This helps to counteract the negative perceptions that I mentioned above. In making this analysis of the pros and cons of encouraging weaning I realise a lot of my points are about my own needs, not just Marc’s. It is a relationship involving the both of us and affecting the whole family. So how can I go about a planned weaning? It is a mystery to me how feeds can be dropped when my baby is demand fed. We don’t have set times that I usually breastfeed. For example, I might easily feed my baby five times between 3am and 10am. I realise that to drop feeds I will first need to establish a set feeding routine. Alternatively, my local La Leche League Leader, Chris, has solved this mystery for a demand feeder like myself and suggested blocking out periods of time, eg starting with no feeding between 10am and noon. Another option is to continue to breastfeed when ever Marc wants to but to limit the time to say 10 minutes each side instead of the hour I’m often stuck on the couch for. This would help me to be much more positive about continuing breastfeeding for a longer period. The second trick to planned weaning is to be busy and not so available. I need to anticipate when he might want breastfeeding and keep busy doing other things, eg tell him I’ve got to finish my chores first, or play games with him, be out and about. I could be busy playing sport in the evening or go away for a weekend or be at work. This is dependent on enlisting support from Dad, grandparents or babysitters to look after Marc. I could also encourage weaning by not offering feeds if he’s too busy to request them. A concern is, how to deal with Marc’s consequent change of mind two days later when he suddenly wants to breastfeed non stop for two to three days to get my milk supply back up to where it was before he got busy and forgot to feed. Even toddlers and babies that have ‘self-led’ weaning attempt to breastfeed a few days later but are not allowed to by their mothers despite protesting. Apparently their mothers are able to ignore the protests (note that these children have usually been previously weaned off demand feeding to routine feeding).The child soon gets the message if the mother is definite in her own mind (trick no.4). After unlocking the mysteries of planned weaning I don’t feel ready to encourage weaning too hurriedly. In fact I started to do some of the above ideas. I did not offer feeds despite painfully engorged breasts which kept letting down. But I didn’t feel definite enough to ignore his protests when he changed his mind and wanted full-on breastfeeding for a few days to make up for his busy days. In a study of infant primates Dettwyler4 found they naturally feed until the eruption of first permanent molars (in humans this occurs at age five or six years). Not that I’m sold on the idea of breastfeeding for that long. I can’t imagine breastfeeding Marc to school age but think he would if he could. I will just take each week at a time. I expect it to be a positive, gradual and loving weaning process (Clifton5, Mothers Corner6). Gradual weaning prevents mastitis and prevents Marc from being shocked by a sudden change. I will consciously not offer feeds just respond to his requests. Maybe even hand express if my breasts get uncomfortable while he’s busy playing. I might avoid bathing with him for a while as that always prompts him to breastfeed. We might do more activities and read more stories and go on park outings at times I anticipate he would otherwise feed. I do not wish to restrict the feeding to sleep as I think that will be the last feed he’ll want to give up. I want my child to feel reassured of my love when weaning. A child weans as confidence grows and this confidence can only be in a child that feels loved. I definitely want Marc’s weaning to be a celebration of his growth. 1 Leach, P. (1997) Your Baby and Child |